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Trust again: The journey to self-confidence after a breakup

Trust again: The journey to self-confidence after a breakup

Ana, How can I trust again? I won’t be able to do it.

This is the number one question I hear every week from my clients after they go through a breakup.

Breakups can leave us feeling shattered, lost, and questioning our ability to trust again.

My answer is the following: What if, instead of losing your power and placing trust in the hands of someone else, you would ask the question to yourself? What if the right question is how can I trust myself enough?

In fact, this question will lead you on a journey back to self-confidence after a breakup.

Healing from a Breakup:

I know what you must be thinking: the breakup is recent. You are probably thinking that you could not trust yourself in the past, so why now? Because you’re heartbroken, and it’s hard because you do not know how.

Well, let me tell you something; there are a few steps before moving toward this journey.

Not to mention that going through a breakup is a similar process to going through grief.

These are the steps towards healing:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

When a relationship ends, it’s natural to feel a whirlwind of emotions – sadness, anger, confusion, and even relief sometimes.

The first step toward rebuilding self-trust is to acknowledge these feelings. It’s okay to grieve, to feel hurt, and to admit that you’re struggling. You’re human, after all. Give yourself permission to feel, and don’t judge yourself for it.

2. Self-Compassion is Key

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. What comforting words would you offer her? Say those same kind words to yourself.

3. Set Small Goals

Rebuilding self-trust is a journey, and it’s best taken one step at a time. Set small, achievable goals for yourself. These could be related to your personal development, career, or hobbies. Achieving them will boost your confidence and show you that you are capable of progress.

After a breakup, we can be confused between moving on and moving forward. In the beginning, we are not ready to move on. It can be quite challenging to close a chapter of our lives.

To emphasize, we might not be ready to move on, but we can keep moving forward. We do not have to stay in a stagnant state. Being in motion would help us to move on whenever we are ready.

4. Surround Yourself with Support

Lean on your support system – friends, family, or someone like myself. Share your thoughts and feelings with those you trust. They can provide valuable insights and emotional support during this challenging time.

In fact, you might be surprised by the love you would receive if you allowed yourself to see it.

5. Practice Self-Care

Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Exercise, meditate, read, or do whatever brings you joy. A healthy and happy you is a more confident you.

Saying so, you might not feel like it, but remember it is all about baby steps. Go for a quick walk, work out even if you do a shorter one, etc.

6. Be Patient

Last but not least, remember that healing and rebuilding trust in yourself takes time. Be patient with yourself, and don’t rush the process. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory.

After Healing: Focus on the Future

After giving yourself the time you need to heal, it will be easier to focus on the future. To do so, you need to have the mental space for it. We cannot be everywhere all at the same time.

The process of learning how to trust yourself:

1. Rediscover Who You Are

During a relationship, it’s easy to lose sight of your individual identity.

In this case, you may have merged your life with your partner’s, and now it’s time to rediscover who you are. What are your interests, passions, and dreams? What makes you feel truly alive? Reconnect with yourself on a deeper level.

2. Learn from the Past

Take some time to reflect on your past relationship. What did you learn from it? Were there any red flags you ignored? Use these lessons to grow and make better choices in the future. Remember, it’s not about blaming yourself but about gaining wisdom.

However, you might think that you are/were deeply in love, but let me tell you something, love is not enough.

3. Know Your Dealbreakers

Understanding your dealbreakers is a crucial part of rebuilding self-trust.

Take the time to reflect on the qualities and values that are non-negotiable for you in a future relationship.

What are the boundaries you want to establish to protect your emotional well-being? Knowing your dealbreakers not only helps you set healthy standards but also reinforces your self-confidence in making wise choices when it comes to new relationships.

Without a doubt, it’s a powerful way to ensure that the next chapter of your love life aligns with your true self.

4. Build Up Your Self-Confidence Score:

In other words, we underestimate the power of our words.

Afterwards, we want to be able to trust ourselves in making decisions, we need to start showing up for ourselves.

The number of times we say that we would do something and then we don’t. Self-esteem and self-confidence are based on this score. Your words matter. Do not underestimate them.

Trust Again: The journey to self-confidence after a Breakup

In conclusion, the right question isn’t so much about how you can trust someone else after a breakup, but rather, it’s about how you can trust yourself. Believe in your resilience, strength, and ability to navigate life’s challenges.

As you take this journey of self-discovery, self-trust, understanding your dealbreakers, and building your self-confidence, watch yourself bloom into a more self-assured and empowered version of yourself.

In the meantime, don’t forget… You’ve got this! 🌸💪❤️

Let me know in the comments how you are feeling or by email at hello@anasalido.com.


    1. Absolutely. Going trough a breakup can be a traumatising experience and it takes time to recover and heal from it. There is no easy way to do the work but patience is key.

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