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How to build a healthy relationship with your partner

Build a relationship with yourself before having one with someone else

One of the questions I get the most from my clients is: How do I build a healthy relationship with my partner?

I want to share with you the most common mistake people make when starting a relationship.

We usually start being in a relationship with someone else before we even have a relationship with ourselves.

This is the secret no one ever told us. To build a healthy relationship with a partner, we need to start with ourselves.

As human beings, we all share a common longing for love. For some of us, finding love is a top priority.

However, the challenge lies in the fact that many of us grew up watching Disney movies and hearing the phrase “and they lived happily ever after” from a young age.

But no one ever taught us what it takes to build a healthy relationship with a partner.

Unconsciously, a seed was planted in our minds through these movies, and its influence continues to affect us in our adult lives.

Recently, I had an interesting conversation with one of my clients about this very topic, and we both agreed that it has led to misconceptions about what a real relationship should entail.

This conversation reminded me of my first serious relationship. Let me share something with you: I was under the illusion that my ex-boyfriend would save me, that his kiss would lead us to eternal happiness.

The challenges I faced in that relationship:

Movies that seemed innocuous back then had a significant impact on our adult relationships.

The seed had been sown: the notion that a relationship should involve a man coming to rescue and save us, culminating in a blissful “happily ever after.”

What a misconception.

How many of us believed that someone, especially a partner, would come to our rescue?

Thumbs up 👍🏻 — I admit, I once thought this way.

I met my first boyfriend when I was only 17, and we remained together for 8 years.

I was young, with no clear sense of self, desires, or the kind of relationship I truly wanted.

Consequently, my world revolved around him. Everything I did was to accommodate him, ensuring we spent time together.

Yet, it didn’t work.

For the longest time, I believed something was wrong with me — that recurring thought you tell yourself until it becomes your reality.

Yes, that one. You might have just paused, realizing you have a similar thought echoing in your mind.

Today, I can confidently tell you that neither you nor I are flawed.

What a relief!

Here’s what changed in my approach to relationships:

What I did to get into a healthy relationship:

Honestly, it took me quite a while to realize that the only person capable of saving me was MYSELF.

It took me 8 years to grasp that there would be no “happily ever after” with my ex.

The end of that relationship, which occurred a decade ago, marked the beginning of my healing journey.

It was time for me to embark on the path of self-discovery and personal growth.

And what an incredible journey it has been so far…

Since then, I’ve been dedicated to self-improvement, healing, learning, and unapologetically pursuing my desires and goals.

During my previous relationship, I wasn’t in control. But over the years, I learned how to:

  • Stand up for me,
  • Speak up,
  • Believe in myself,
  • Take independent actions,
  • Foster a relationship with myself,
  • Love myself,
  • Nurture me, and
  • Take responsibility for my own emotions.

As my client put it, no one but ourselves can truly save us.

I firmly believe that our healing journey begins when we’re ready, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

I understand your thoughts.

It can be overwhelming, frightening, and far outside your comfort zone.

I still vividly recall the fear I felt when ending things with my ex-boyfriend and delving into online resources about healing.

Initially, it seemed insurmountable, and I was too embarrassed to discuss it.

What a misconception.

Everything shifted when I started opening up to those around me and realized that many women shared my sentiments.

Remember, when you feel something is wrong with you, you tend to shy away from visibility.

Thus, we start shrinking ourselves, remaining confined to our little corners and our own minds.

Remember something, most of us want and crave a healthy relationship with a partner.

This is one of the reasons why I created this space.

I want myself, you and all of us to understand that we’re not alone and that we can support each other’s healing.

Now that I am on the other side of the healing I can tell you that it is worth doing the work as it changed radically my relationship with myself and also with my partner.

We can get a healthy relationship after a toxic one.

I am now in a healthy relationship with my partner that we both nurture.

If this blog post resonates with you, please leave a comment or send me an email at hello@anasalido.com to share your story.

I derive immense pleasure from reading your stories.

You can also schedule a free discovery call if you’re compelled to begin your healing journey:

https://calendly.com/ana-salido/free-discovery-call

If you want to learn more about myself and my philosophy, check out this page:

https://anasalido.com/about

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